


I'll Never be the Same

by Kelady



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Torture, Permanent Injury, Serious Injuries, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, Torture, always happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-19 08:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7354048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelady/pseuds/Kelady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why aren’t you talking to me?” Rhodey asks Tony looks down. “You can tell me anything you know.” Tony nods a tear falls down his cheek and then another. He covers his mouth. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Rhodey says quietly Tony scribbles with his hand indicating pen and paper. Rhodey grabs the pad off the table.</p><p>‘I can’t.’ tony writes sloppily</p><p>“What do you mean you can’t?” Rhodey asks looking up</p><p>‘I can’t talk’</p><p>“Why not?” Rhodey asks softly “They can’t hurt you anymore. They’re dead. If you’re scared-.” Tony shakes his head. He points to the pad.</p><p>‘I can’t anymore.’ Tony looks up with a sad look</p><p>“Did they… do something?” Rhodey asks hesitantly and Tony slowly nods. Rhodey takes a deep breath. "What did they do?"</p><p>~</p><p>Tony gets rescued after being kidnapped and torture for months. But Tony isn't the same as he was before and he may never be the same again.</p><p>This may get a little dark at times, I probably won't write much of the scenes Where Tony was tortured, but he will have flashbacks. This is a story about Tony healing but it may get worse before it gets better, just an FYI.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hospital / Rhodey

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So i don't even know where this idea came from, honestly. i don't know. I am not done with my other series I am going to be working on both, so if you follow my other one don't worry. They will still be written along with this one.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Tony wakes to beeping. He slowly opens one eye and then the other. He looks at his surroundings.

Machines that are supposedly keeping him alive while beeping and making noises. Standard hospital bed with a white bed sheet. A faded picture of a single lily on the left side of the room. A chipped golden cross on the other side. A brown coffee stained table with a vase filled with pink carnations and next to a teddy bear and card.  A cart with a glass pitcher of water and two cups, both half empty. A pad of paper and a pen sitting next to it. Two chairs with a sleeping Steve and Clint. He opens his mouth to call to them. Ask what happened but he immediately closes it when he remembers.

So he sits there taking in every detail of the room, and his sleeping friends. He doesn’t know how long before a nurse walks in. She looks at Tony shocked

“You’re awake.” She says which rouses Clint and Steve.

“What?” Steve and Clint turn his way and immediately brighten up when the see he’s conscious,

“Tony!” Steve smiles “I’m so glad you’re awake, why didn’t you say anything?” Tony looks over and doesn’t reply. Even if he could, he doesn’t know what he’d say.

“Tony?” Steve asks concerned. His eyes flicker to the door and back to Steve his face blank.

“He’s not panicking so he knows who we are and that we’re in a hospital. Right?” Clint asks Tony. Who glances over but doesn’t say anything.

“Was there damage to his ears?” Clint asks the nurse.

“Not that I’m aware of. Let me get the doctor.”

“I’ll call the team. They’d want to know.” Clint says standing giving Steve and Tony a moment alone.

“I missed you.” Steve whispers “I missed you so much. It was so quiet around the tower without you.” Tony looks down “You’re safe now Tony. Whatever she did to you, your safe now. You can talk to us. We’re not gonna hurt you, you know that, right?” Tony’s watching Steve. God did he miss him. He missed all of them “Tony?” Steve whispers. “Talk to me, or at least acknowledge me, please.” Tony gives a small nod. But doesn’t do anything else.

 

The team runs in with big smiles on there face. It hurts not being able to talk to them. So he stairs sadly when they try and talk to him.

“Tony?” Natasha says putting a hand on his. He clenches his muscles “Why aren’t you saying anything?” He looks over to her and give a small shrug.

“Is man of iron not well?” He hears Thor asks sadly and he wants to reassure them he does, but he can’t. And he wants to cry. So he looks down.

“Tony.” he hears Rhodey say from the door and tony’s eyes snap up. The name burning in his mind, but no way to say it. He gives a full smile to Rhodey who walks in the door.

“He’s not talking.” Steve tells him. Tony looks to Steve.

“Give us a minute, please.” Rhodey asks sitting next to the bed the Avengers nod

“We’ll be outside if you need us.” Steve says shutting the door

“Tony.” Rhodey says softly “I missed you.”

Tony points to himself and puts up two fingers.

“Why aren’t you talking to me?” Rhodey asks Tony looks down. “You can tell me anything you know.” Tony nods a tear falls down his cheek and then another. He covers his mouth. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Rhodey says quietly Tony scribbles with his hand indicating pen and paper. Rhodey grabs the pad off the table.

‘I can’t.’ tony writes sloppily

“What do you mean you can’t?” Rhodey asks looking up

‘I can’t talk’

“Why not?” Rhodey asks softly “They can’t hurt you. They’re dead. If you’re scared-.” Tony shakes his head. He points to the pad.

‘I can’t anymore.’ Tony looks up with a sad look

“Did they… do something?” Rhodey asks hesitantly and Tony slowly nods. Rhodey takes a deep breath "What did they do?" Tony doesn't respond  “Can I see?” Tony shakes his head. Rhodey sighs “I can’t help if I don’t know what they did.” Tony shakes his head again. “Will you write it?” Rhodey asks looking at him. Tony slowly takes the pen.

‘They got tired of my talking. So they took _it_.”

“Took… your tongue?” Rhodey asks and Tony slowly nods and Rhodey pushes back the fury he’s feeling to focus on Tony who's writing on the pad

‘You can’t tell them’

“It’s alright, Tony. They won’t-“ Tony shakes his head and points at the pad. “They’re gonna find out eventually.”

‘Please.’ Rhodey reads it a few times before nodding.

“They’re gonna find out though.” Tony shakes his head. “You can’t hide it forever.” Tony nods quickly.

‘I hide a lot of things. Even from you’

“Yeah like what?” Rhodey asks and Tony thinks.

‘I gave up drinking for 6 months one time’

“What?” Rhodey asks and Tony grins. “You did not.” Tony nods with a smile “When?”

‘I started 6 months before NYC’

“Seriously?” Tony nods “How did I not notice?”

‘you weren’t around that much’

“Did Pep know?” Tony nods

‘she didn’t believe I could keep it up for longer than a week.’

”6 months, huh?” Tony nods “Do you think you could do it again, now?” Tony thinks and shrugs

‘Sometimes it’s the only thing that lets me sleep. Otherwise I stay up all night and day for like 48 hours before I can get even 5 hours of rest’

“Nightmares?”

‘Sometimes.’ Rhodey gives him a look and Tony sighs ‘most times. But not with alcohol. The team hated when I got drunk. ‘what if we had a call to assemble and you were wasted, we’d be down a team member which could cost us’ blah blah blah. I can’t sleep without an aid anymore. And Alcohol was easier then asking for help. They never understood. They still don’t.’

“Why are you telling me this now?”

‘I had a lot of time to think while i was away, What if's. What I'd do differently if i got rescued. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to be better. And I’m gonna need help. I trust you the most.’

“We can talk to a doctor, if you want.” Tony looks up thinking and slowly nods

‘Someone that we know we can trust’

“Okay. I can look into some people. But we’re gonna need to tell the team at some point.”

‘They’ll look at me different. They’ll see damaged.’

“Tony.” Rhodey gives him a look “They will not.”

‘They’ll remember what I used to be, and be sad I can’t talk anymore. And they’ll pity me.’

“You’re a genius. You’ll figure out a way to communicate.”

‘Sign language?’

“You can, but I thought you could build a device or something. You’re a genius. You can build anything.”

“I’ve been think of something, actually.’

“See.” Rhodey smiles “You’ll figure something out.”

‘Rhodey?’

“Yeah?”

‘I don’t want to see the team until I’m back home.’

“Are you sure, they’ll be worried.” Tony nods

‘I’m sure.’

“Okay. Well, why don’t you get some rest? I’m sure you’re tired.” Tony nods

‘Stay’

“Always.” Tony drifts off to sleep Rhodey never leaving his side.


	2. The Hospital Part II / Pepper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! Yay!  
> Hope you enjoy!

“What do you mean we can’t see him?!” Steve shouts at the nurse. “We’re his team. We’re basically family! I demand you give us access!”

“I’m sorry.” The nurse says not even phased. “Mr. Stark has specifically asked you not be in his room. According to this the only people allowed to see Mr. Stark. Is Colonel James Rhodes, Ms. Pepper Potts, Mr. Happy Hogan and Dr. Helen Cho.”

“Helen?” Clint ask stepping forward “What kind of damage was there that Helen has access?”

“I’m sorry, you no longer have access to Mr. Stark’s medical record.”

“What?” Steve asks “Who authorized that?”

“Mr. Stark along with Colonel Rhodes.”

“I demand to speak to James.” Steve says and Natasha puts a hand on his arm.

“Steve. Relax. It’s not her fault tony denied us access.” Natasha turns to the nurse “Could you please see if James would have a minute to explain what’s going on? Calm things down a bit.”

“I will. I’ll be back in a moment.” The nurse turns into the room.

“Steve.” Natasha turns to him.

“I know. I know. You don’t have to say it.”

“Don’t I?” Natasha asks “You’ve been like this the past 3 and half months.”

“We all have, Natasha.” Steve gives her a look.

“Some more than others.”

“Okay, everybody just a take breath.” Clint says looking down the hall. “Peppers coming.”

They all turn to see Pepper practically jogging down the hallway.

“Ms. Potts.” Steve says in greeting

“Where is he?”

“In there.” Pepper turns to the door but pauses

“Is there anything I should be made aware of before I go in?” Pepper asks softly

“He won’t talk to us and that’s about it. His other injuries have been healing while he was in the coma.” Natasha say softly “Go he’ll be glad you’re here.” Pepper straightens her hair and wipes her face before opening the door and walks in as James and the Nurse walks out.

“So. I assume you want to know why Tony denied you access.”

“Yeah. And is he talking?” Steve asks

“No. He’s not talking. And he wrote that he didn’t want to see any of you until he goes home.”

“Why is Helen Cho on the visitor list?” Bruce asks “From what we had heard his injuries we’re practically healed.”

“That’; is information I am not allowed to tell you.”

“God damn it Rhodes!” Clint shouts “We deserve to know! We rescued him! We’re his family. We should-“

“No.” James says firmly “You are not his ‘family’.” He uses air quotes “ _I_ am his family _. Pepper_ is his family. _JARVIS_ is his family. You are his team. Maybe you all live together and have for the past 9 months, 6 for tony, but you don’t care for him. You’re the reason he got kidnapped!” James shouts pushing at Steve. Rhodes pauses to take a deep breath at the Avengers shock and hurt “Maybe you weren’t the reason he got kidnapped. I’m not even sure what happened that day, and I don’t think you guys do either." 

“We don’t.”

“But when he went on work binges or nearly drank himself to death, where were you?” Rhodey asks as if he didn’t speak “When he had his PTSD Panic attacks, did you help him calm down?”

“He has PTSD?” Clint whispers.

“Yes. He does. And it’s going to be worse now. So if you think you’re ‘family’ then you need to step it up and prove it!”

“To him or to you?” Natasha asks

“To all of us.” Rhodey shakes his head “I can’t be around all the time like you guys can. So you’re gonna have to help him.”

“But he won’t talk to us.” Clint whispers

“Yes he will. Just not through his mouth.”

“Why won’t he talk?”’

“Either he’ll tell you or you’ll figure it out. Now, he can hear you through the walls shouting at people. Go home, prepare his room and his lab and such because he’s been discharged tomorrow morning.”

“can we at least know why Helen has access?” Steve asks softly “What damage does he have that she needs to be there.”

“That is up to tony to tell you, but what I can say is she won’t be visiting here, they’re going to work on whatever it is when he gets home. And Bruce.” Rhodey says who looks up “He might want your help on it too, but don’t push. Whatever he tells you he tells you don’t go asking for more detail and do NOT tell the others if he does ask you to help. Understood?” Rhodey asks and Bruce nods quickly. “Good. Now, I have to go get coffee and get back in there. When we get back I want the tower completely ready for him. Okay?” The Avengers nod and slowly head back

 

Meanwhile.

 

“Excuse me colonel?” A nurse asks while Tony is on his StarkPad and Rhodey watching him work.

“Yeah?”

“The uh rest of the Avengers are demanding to speak with you on-“

“No longer having access. Yeah, sorry about that. I’ll go speak with them.” The door opens and the three of them turn to see who enter. Pepper.

Tony Smiles quickly and waves to her.

“Hi Tony.” Tony waves again. She walks over and sits next to him.

“I’ll be right back Pep.”

“Take your time.” Pepper says with a smile “I would like a few minutes with Tones.”

“Sure. I’ll grab a cup of coffee. You want one?” Tony nods enthusiastically. “I figured you’d want one. Pep?”

“No Thanks.”

“Alright, I’ll be back.” They exit the room.

“Tony.” Pepper smiles softly “I’m so glad you’re safe.”  Tony nods. “I hear you’re not talking.” Tony nods again. “What happened?” Pepper asks quietly. “I know you would be talking a mile a minute about anything expect of course the serious stuff, but you’re not. So what happened?”  Tony grabs the pad he wrote to Rhodey off the bed and writes

‘I can’t talk anymore.’

“Why? What did they do?” Pepper pushes

‘I wouldn’t stop talking. At first they thought it was funny. Then it wasn’t. So… they took it.’

“Took… your tongue?” Pepper asks horrified Tony nods slowly  Pepper covers her mouth holding back a sob.

‘it’s okay, Pep. I’m okay.’ He writes quickly and nudges her till she reads it. She takes a dep breath

“Who knows?” Pepper asks after a moment.

‘Rhodey and you. Dr. Cho will soon, we’re working on an idea. The Avengers can’t know.’

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Tony’s already nodding.

‘They can eventually, but not now. Please Pep.’

“Okay, I won’t tell them.” Pepper says and Tony smiles and nods “What are you and Dr. Cho working on?”

‘I haven’t asked her yet but look’ Tony shows her the Tablet he’s been working on the model for a prosthetic tongue. ‘it’s nothing concrete, which is why I need Dr. Cho and possibly Bruce, but it’s just an idea.’

“You’ll get it to work. I know you.”

‘I’m also learning sign language.’ Tony writes and then signs ‘my name is Tony Stark’

“My Name is Tony stark?” Tony nods enthusiastically “I will make an effort to learn it, should I let the team know to learn it too?” Tony nods. He signs thank you. “You’re welcome.”

‘How long has it been?’ Tony asks

“You were gone 3 months. In a coma for 3 weeks.” Tony takes a deep breath but nods

‘it felt like longer’

“How long did you think it was?” Tony looks down and shrugs “You can tell me.”

‘I can’t really tell you because I don’t really know. It felt like it could have been years, but I thought it could have been a month. Sleep was… weird. I didn’t… I barely slept. And when I did, it was in a dark room so I couldn’t tell how long I slept or when I slept or what day it was.’ Pepper nods.

“What happened that day? The team said you were there one minute and the next you were gone.”

‘Pep… I don’t want to talk about it. I will explain everything, but I want to do it in one go because the team is going to want to know too since they were there. Let me get home a situated and I can explain it.’

“Okay.” Pepper says softly “that’s okay.” Tony smiles

Theres a knock on the door.

“Tones, Pep?” Rhodey opens the door.

“Hey.” Pepper says and Tony waves.

“I brought you your coffee.” Tony reaches for it and Rhodey smiles handing it to him. He takes a long sip. After he swallows he frowns and puts it on the counter next to him sighing.

“You can’t taste it.” Rhodey says realizing. Tony nods sadly

“The prosthetic your making… will you be able to taste with it?” pepper asks

‘possibly, but probably not. Helen might be able to get that, but I don’t think so. I’ll probably never taste coffee again.’ Tony sighs ‘or food.’

“Well just think, you can eat really healthy stuff that tastes gross and not even know!” Pepper tries to spin. “You’ll be so healthy you’ll feel better.” Tony gives her an exchasperated look.

“I think he’d rather have coffee and pop tarts.” Rhodey says with a slight laugh

“Well of course, but you do what you can.”

‘I think I’m never going to eat again.’ Tony shakes his  head ‘when am going home?’

“tomrow morning.” Pepper says smiling.

‘good.’ Tony nods ‘I’m tired. I’m gonna get some sleep okay?’

They nod. “night Tony.” They whispers as Tony closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> What i think i'm going to do is do a one chapter of this story then one from my series and go back and forth like that so i get both done!
> 
> Speaking of my series you should check it out. It's a one-shot or two-shot based on three words. If you're scrolling through Avengers, Captain America or Iron Man you've probably seen it.  
> But if not here is [ Three Random Words Series (which you should totally subscribe to)](http://archiveofourown.org/series/449479)  
> Check it out!
> 
> Till next time!


	3. Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The results are in! I have the winners in Bold.

The results of the vote are in.

 

For Tony, 

 

In third place with 36 votes

  
Tony/Bucky 

 

In second place with 38 votes is...

 

Tony/Phil

 

and in first place, and this ship that will be written with 43 votes is

 

 **Tony/Steve/Bucky**!

 

*****I will write all the votes at the end in order.*****

 

For Pepper

 

 **Pepper/Happy** won with 28 votes!

Rhodey came in second who had who had 17 votes

And 6 people wrote in Tony/Pepper

 

(Since Happy won instead of Rhodey who is more of a main character this will play a smaller role in the story, but it will be in there.)

 

One person wrote in **Rhodey/Sam** and due to the other votes this was the only available ship for Rhodey meaning it won!

 

 **Phil/Clint** was voted at 15 votes

which beat out Natasha/Clint with 9 votes.

 

Which means **Natasha/Bruce** is the ship with 11 votes!

and 7 People wrote in Natasha/Tony 

 

Thank you to everyone who voted! i hope you are happy or okay with the winning vote.

I'll list everyone in order from highest to lowest.

 

 **Tony/Steve/Bucky**   43

Tony/Phil                 38

Tony/Bucky             36

Tony/Steve              34

Tony/Rhodey           30

 **Pepper/Happy**          28

Tony/Bruce              26

Tony/Phil/Clint        23

Tony/Clint                21

Pepper/Rhodey        17

 **Phil/Clint**                 15

 **Natasha/Bruce**         11

Natasha/Clint           9

Tony/Natasha          7

Tony/Pepper            6

Tony/T'challa           2

 **Rhodey/Sam**           1

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who voted! I hope you're like who won!
> 
> It's taking me a long time to write one of my prompts so I'm going to update this one first. It might not be until tuesday because i'm flying all day tomorrow. Ugh, but it will be up soon! Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As i said in the summary worse before it gets better. Tony will have up and downs like anyone recovering from torture so he may seem like he'll be fine at times like in this chapter, but he won't be completely okay for some time.


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